Thursday, June 11, 2009

 

Preparations are nearly complete! Tomorrow, we will wing our way from Das Kapitol to Scotland. From our review of maps of Scotland, Jeff and I have come to the conclusion that Scotland is actually located in Middle Earth. Everything is Tor This or Crag That or is called Cerdhilissligheannncccchh. Likely the land is peopled by a sprightly race of ring-forging elves. Our Scottish Educational Film Series (consisting thus far of Braveheart and Trainspotting) takes the contrary position that it is peopled by a combination of bekilted medieval warriors and urban hopheads, but I'm really holding out hope for the elves.

One true fact that Jeff has discovered in the pursuit of decent berths for us as we travel about the land is that all Scots who run inns and/or car-ferry services are in a state of permanent wonder at the Internet (Or the Intehrneht, as they call it).

So now we are really just marking time prior to our departure. I spent some of that time yesterday in the doctor's office, waiting to have my benighted eye reviewed for any remaining swelling, redness, distortions, and/or hauntings by malingering poltergeists. While waiting, I had the chance to read a feature-length article on monogramming in one of those magazines aimed at rich southern ladies who can trace their ancestry to such eminent figures as the very first slaver in the Carolinas, and/or a gentleman farmer who personally snubbed Patrick Henry at a dinner party in 1762. Among other things, I learned that gracious persons are permitted to "go crazy" with white monograms stitched onto white bed linens, that simple script is most appropriate for monogrammed gingham picnic napkins (a fabulous piece of advice that incorporates both the assumptions that (a) you own gingham picnic napkins and that, (b) your possessiveness towards them is such that you are having them monogrammed), that a woman's monogram should always include the initial of her maiden name, and that "ivory hemstitched dinner napkins with a gold monogram are the little black dress of tabletop." Not "the tabletop." Just "tabletop" - a mysterious kingdom like Oz or Lilliput, wherein the men are wealthy, the ladies refined, and the children mere accessories for photographs of your recently relandscaped loggia, which features a variety of tearose named after your great-aunt, who made her debut at a cotillion organized by the Junior League of Charleston in 1892.

Is there a writer who has adequately recorded the mentality of super-rich Southerners? Faulkner and O'Connor I associate with more earthy, rural southerners. Where is the correspondent who looks into the furnished souls of Dallas Ladies, or FFVs? Alas, I know not, and the question will likely fade into irrelevance as I journey to a place where restaurants have names like "Shower of Herring," and cookies are quaintly known as "biscuits."

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

 

Oh men of America, beware of astral vamps!

Via The Hope Chest, bringing you bad (and oft hilarious) news from the past.

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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

 

Unable to enjoy books read on a Kindle or other electronic medium? The problem is, of course, that they just don't smell right. You can't turn on an iPod and get that satisfying aroma of "Been Sitting in an Attic for 20 Years," which is so important to any discerning reader's enjoyment of the reading act.

But never fear! The Smell of Books is here!

Indeed, Smell of Books, like an anti-feBreze, will musty up your e-books in no time at all, with five reading-friendly scents. So, sigh a sigh of relief, Kindle-readers. Your technology now . . . has the technology to feel untechnological.

Hee!

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Monday, June 08, 2009

 

Pinkeye

Today I woke up with pinkeye! Joyous! I snagged an ophthalmology appointment, and now I am outfitted with all manner of creams and potions. My eye still looks like something from a horror movie, though.

I am also picking up a new pair of glasses today. Indeed, it is a day for eyeball-related news.

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Sunday, June 07, 2009

 

I made myself a fancy personal poet website! You can find it here.

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Friday, June 05, 2009

 

Postcard from Nerdtown

Jeff and I just conducted a phone conversation according to Robert's Rules of Order.

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Thursday, June 04, 2009

 

Sharkano!


nataliedee.com

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I don't have long thoughts. Nope. I read a lot of blogs where each post is basically an essay, but I don't do that so much. Or ever. Basically, at some fundamental level, I've been on Twitter since 1978.

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Hey, hey, hey! The i.e. Series Reader is available for pre-order from Narrow House. It features many a wondrous poet, including (SELF-PROMOTION ALERT) me. But others as well! A smorgasbord of Baltimorian poetical joy. And that's the very best kind, yo.

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Monday, June 01, 2009

 

This has given me a roaring case of font-lust. Hopefully, if I lie back and think of Helvetica, the chills will pass.

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I have fixed the masthead. Huzzah! It seems that when I was designing it, I had my "Print Media" hat on, and designed in CMYK color. Which Mozilla is smart enough to display, but which makes IE choke and cough like a cat with a hairball. So I have dumbed down the file into IE-friendly RGB.

Day trip to NYC tomorrow to argue in Le Court. Aiee! I hope it goes smoothly; this will be only my second solo argument...

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My new eyeball-melting masthead is so eyeball-melting that it appears that large swathes of the Internet (particularly when accessed through IE) are rejecting it outright. Alack. It is ever so shiny and wondrous, and yet its beauty is being concealed! I will go over it in Photoshop tonight, and hopefully will root out whatever is preventing its general and public exhibition.

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Saturday, May 30, 2009

 

The drab autumnal look was starting to get to me. So I decided to go with something more likely to melt your eyeballs. Enjoy!

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

 

So, we got married. It was awesome. I spent six months preparing against the possibility of non-awesomeness, and all was awesome. I must say, people in the "wedding industry," -- caterers, florists, photographers, are in a lawyer-like category for getting stuff done. As a associate in a law firm, basically my entire job is to chase after people more airy and flighty than I, and browbeat them into getting done all the mundane and worldly things that actually need to happen if they are to successfully represent clients. I arrived at the wedding site on Sunday ready to ride herd, albeit without sufficient time to do so (just getting into my dress was a feat deserving of an award from the American Society of Mechanical Engineers), only to find that the caterer had dispatched a veritable army of People Who Were On Top of It, the florist was already there with arrangements of surpassing beauty, the cellist, photographer, and DJ were on-site, and although we had to move the ceremony up by ten minutes in order to skirt an advancing thunderstorm, everything went beautifully. The food was good, the music good, the people ate and danced, and Jeff and I said yesyesyesyes, although in a happy, wilfull way and not a creepy Faulknerian fashion.

Here is a wee picture, as taken by Jessica Smith, who I hope does not mind this slight intrusion on the sanctity of her Flickr account...



Thank you to all our guests and all the fine people who made the wedding possible and who therefore allowed Jeff and I to become happy nerds eating popcorn on a Tuesday night while watching the National Spelling Bee on ESPN2 with open copies of the 2-volume OED on our laps and big gold rings on our fingers. Huzzah to us and you all. Forever and always. Amen.

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